denny-1's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- rainbow connection... I saw a rainbow yesterday. It was the most beautiful rainbow that I've ever seen. It appeared at dusk, minutes before darkness settled. Rain was heavy throughout the day, and then all of the sudden as if someone turned off the spicked it was gone. This splendid array of color immerged from the misery of the day. I looked out of my window to admire the colorful sky and there it was. At that moment I felt this big world wanted to make me smile. And smile I did. I saw my ex-boyfriends parents yesterday. They were shopping at the grocery store that is located down the street from my office. This was the first time that I've seen them together since I had broken up with Joe. He was my first love? If you could call it that...but, in all fairness he was a major part of my life. Our experiences together have definitely shaped me into the person that I am today, both good and bad. Joe was my night and shinning armor. He rod in from somewhere and appeared in a black leather jacket and shinny black hair. His eyes were gleaming chocolate Godiva truffles and I was instantly devoured. I was working at a night club at the time. Not the type of night club where I would ever meet anyone that was young enough for my taste. You see, I was 18 and the clientele was in their late 40's...and up. He entered during closing, to meet up with his roommate, John. John was older, but an immature older that allowed him to fit right in with the young staff. We hit it off instantly, Joe and me. I was so amazed that someone so beautiful was interested in me (you see, I never had a boyfriend in highschool). We drank until the wee hours of the morning, then I took him home. Nothing happened that evening accept the exchange of saliva and nothing more would, until weeks later... He was/is four years older than me...as a freshman, he was a junior. Joe was the kind of guy that had a mysteriousness about him, probably attributed to his good looks and relaxed personality. He was like a gay man, not in the since that he liked men, but in his analistic personality. Joe wore all of his clothes pressed, and matched. He liked things arranged in a certain way and his clothes were folded just so. His bed was always made. His bureau drawers always closed. Pictures on the wall were in an exact order...this drove me nuts. I've never been the type to worry about details...unnecessary details...the details that do not effect the overall big picture...If I want to take my clothes off in the kitchen and leave them there...so be it. It's not earth shattering, and I do try to clean...but really. Why worry about clothes that you take off in the kitchen...I would rather worry about what I was going to do naked than the pile of clothes left in the kitchen...this is the kind of stuff that Joe and I would argue about... I spent 4 and a half years with Joe...so you can well imagine that amount of history/baggage that I've acquired...to be continued... Anyway, with open arms his parents hugged me among the various dried goods. We exchanged the proper Italian cheek kisses and I commented on, "how nice it is to see you both"...I asked about the family...his dad asked if I was married yet...I laughed innocently and showed them my empty hands...they asked how I was doing...I replied, "quite well"...I asked about the family...they said Joe was getting married. It is strange...moving on is a hard thing to do. I have no feelings left for Joe...not the kind where I would ever want him back...never. But there is a part of me that is still, in a way, connected to him. A connection that no one will ever be able to understand, accept us, nor sever. I haven't seen Joe in years, the last time was his appearance at my Dad's funeral...an awkward time to reconnect with an ex...I am happy for Joe...just curious. Has he done any better?...Is she prettier than me?...How successful is she?...What is she like?...Is she bearfoot and pregnant as I always thought I would endup if I stayed with Joe? I'm Just Curious... The rainbow connection...the lovers...the dreamers...and ME. 11:05 a.m. - 2003-10-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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