denny-1's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- mediocrity... Survival in a world of mediocrity� It has been just over two weeks�and �happily�I shall report on my carnivorous crusade to a sleek new me�I have lost 8 pounds. Yes sur re bob. That�s right kids�8 fucking pounds! Mr. Atkins, I LOVE YA! �I also love cakes, cookies, ice cream, brownies and anything else that smells, tastes and looks sweet�yet� I miss them not�instead� I indulge on sugar free Jell-O with loads of whip cream topping for a total of 2 net carbs�Folks the camel has left the building. A struggle toward perfection� What is it that I want? I ponder the poundage as if it were going to bring me happiness�as if this will perfect me in my world of mediocrity� If only I had the same power, after a couple of martini�s with my hair down as I do with a diet coke, glasses and a librarian coif, to control my destiny�Why I do this to myself I shall never know�it�s the catch twenty two, the grass is always greener on the other side�until you get there�What is it that makes me feel as if I own my destiny�What is that power that surges over me after a few drinks surrounded by a few good men? Confidence? Attention? What is it that makes me feel as if mediocrity has disappeared? I ponder� Rose and I spent an amazing night entertaining and being entertained by one of her successful older men�all good clean fun for two angelic devils�the excitement started in the lobby. The two of us sat waiting, as usual he was running a few martini�s behind�the hotel was all to familiar, the room�just a little bigger than what we were accustomed to paying, a suite, our first suite �we began with our Australian red wine, and a couple puffs of the magic dragon�soon we were singing and dancing to an array of musical selections�Chicago�it was down hill from there�or uphill, really depends on how you look at it� We danced and sang as uninhibited as we consciously knew how�Sheer white curtains hung across the walls and covered the Venetian blinds on the windows, they mysteriously changed the focus of our frolics�behind the curtain we ventured�all good clean fun�for me anyway�After a quick shower the older man proceeded to the door, off to his reality�his world. A quick peck from me, a wet kiss from Rose, he left. The two of us ventured out to add excitement into the next chapter of our evening�burgers and more wine at Joe Allen�s�With our eye�s fully dilated and our stomachs growling we ate� we spoke not a single word until the emptiness of our plates forced sound�Afterwards we were swept away like Princesses in the back of a man powered carriage. The wind blew soft in our hair as we laughed and giggled like two devilish kids�back to the hotel�To sleep�To dream�Ah, To dream�Rose just had to pack it in for the night�Me?�I had some unfinished business to attempt� Ammunitioned with a full glass of white wine I ventured into the crowed mix of strangers. The floor lit up like a day lit sky, the crowed buzzed around me, I ventured toward the end of the bar and parked my frame against a white tiled column� and watched. I had mysteriously hoped for the man I had meet over a year ago to reappear. A man whose soul stared me in the face through shimmering green eyes. A man who�s lips felt like a warm cinnamon bun against my mouth. A man who�s kiss was unlike any other�A man that I may never see again�I sought to recreate this man�the moments that seem to plague my mind�I sought adventure�escape from my mediocre world. My confidence was at its peak�I scanned the room of poshy 20 year old�s, sophisticated 30 something�s and marked my target on a well suited stranger across the way. He sat in an artsy high back chair made of bark, poised like royalty. His kings� men sat around him on cubical chair like objects casually sipping their drinks. My eyes lit with agenda�I wanted to just get him�It was not that I necessarily wanted him�he wasn�t drop dead gorgeous�and I wasn�t looking for a sexual fix�it was the kill. I wanted to concur�to have the power to create my fiction�to make something happen from nothing�to step out of my world of mediocrity into a world in which I controlled the pieces like an orchestrated chess match. I watched him casually, occasionally smiling girlishly from across the room. I knew what I was up to�and so did he. His friends took liberty to stare and whisper to each other with such class that you would never know what was taking place had you not been controlling the situation. I reveled in pleasure full delight. I watched�waited�looked�smiled�then�nothing�he didn�t get up�he didn�t come over�my plan failed� When I turned to exit the premises a young English man approached. He was cute, and had an air about him similar to Hugh Grant in Notting Hill. I stayed, he made me smile, and I felt comfortable. His voice was warm and welcoming, he was here on business and seemed thrilled to talk to an American women. I could see the English man�s friends sitting adjacent to us chatting in their boyish way�He bought me a drink�more wine�I can�t recall our conversation, it was meaningless, I was fixated on how this went wrong�I couldn�t help but notice what was taking place from across the room�the lights went up and suddenly I found myself overcome with disappointment. I excused myself from the English man and headed toward the ladies room pondering the invite to dance- just a cab ride away�then�it happened�my target�standing in my way of relief� �Hi�, he said in a devilish way that I knew to well. �Gee, It took you long enough�, I remarked, standing taller and statuesque as my brass balls emerged. It was over from there�I left and went dancing�not with the sweat English boy, but with the grey Armani suit who worked for a powerful CHICAGO investment company�oh, the irony of coincidence� Before venturing into another chapter into this endless night of excitement, I decided to pay Rose a visit to inform her of my gallivanting pleasures. She warned, as she always does, and then sent me on my way with a sisterly kiss. Down the elevator I rode with the suit of armor waiting to carry me off into the night that never sleeps. Scrunched in the cab between the kings� men we were off. The wallets opened, and I was whisked into a humid sardine packed club. More wine�we danced. His rhythm wasn�t nearly as good as the man with the green eyes my soul fell for the last time I was in a club after hours�Always seems greener on the other side�but it was good enough for the moment� I�m not sure where my memory serves me next�all I remember is exiting the club in the pouring rain�Rain that dripped like cool pellets on my warm sweaty face. It felt good. Scrunched into another cab, I was now on the road to a journey�s end, the conversation whirled of wives and work�. �Let me walk you up�, he said as the cab door opened. His body seemed familiar to me, his frame quite like the one that I am used to waking up to every morning. �Ok�, I agreed staring at this stranger. The rain wet our faces as the bellmen opened the door. We walked like children out of the rain; I asked him if he was married, he replied with a kiss�I was drunk�it was hot. The green light surrounding us within the escalator chamber slowly brought us, wet, to the lobby. We walked to the elevator, entered, and pressed the button to the 12th floor, as the door closed he press his body against mine. He was wet from the rain; I was wet from the force of his manly presence. He put both hands around the back of my neck and drew me close to his lips. He was in control�I was in a state of unwary pleasure. He spoke of words I can�t recall�and yet my body still trembles from the memory. His words were dirty�the ding from the elevator told us to exit. We walked out of the box into the hall and he again made me aware that he wanted my presence for the evening. His body was now pressing me into the wall. I felt his cock hard against my thigh. Breathing and speaking heavy in my ear, kissing my neck, pressing his lips against mine�he whispered, �I like to suck pussy��WOW�no one has ever said this to me in the hall of a hotel, or anywhere for that matter�virtually a stranger�a suited man with a powerful energy telling me that he wanted to suck on my vagina. I tingled with fear of pleasure�He kissed me again�I was getting hotter by the second�then�as my conscience stung�I declined, with the words, �I will never see you again.��I thanked him for the adventure�and strode alone to my door�good clean fun�no harm done�just good clean fun. The next day, Rose and I ate a wonderful meal on the sidewalk patio of a quaint Italian restaurant. As we got up to leave a man passed by and turned his head, a man in khakis and a button down shirt�a man I swore I had met�a man who spoke of pussy�a man accompanied by his wife and two others�a man I sought never to see again�the irony of coincidence. I recall this story�why? I ask myself. It seems as if mediocrity thrives in the mundane�lives within the weak�fantasy verse reality�mediocrity lives within the person that I am not, yet I am� Mediocrity�lost in a fantastic world of perfection�with the help of wine, dragons and other fancy stuff� 12:35 p.m. - 2003-08-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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