denny-1's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Itchy feet I've done it again. I guess it's in my nature. Perhaps this is an excuse...whatever the reason...My feet are getting itchy. I emailed him today. A person that I felt a connection with immediately. I spent only a handful of hours with him, and shared only a kiss...but I've never felt a connection quite as strong. He appeared in my dream last night. A very erotic dream. A dream that you never want to wake up from. In the half sleep that you experience, where you almost make yourself fall back to sleep, this is when I realized who it was that I was dreaming about...only to roll over and see the face of another. Devastating really...on all accounts. caveat: This could simply be the results of reading erotic novels before falling asleep...in which case I must say that we should all read erotic novel before 'tits up' ...the power of O. Why is this happening? Am I alone in this? One just doesn't seem like enough...it never has. Selfish Really. Mr. Lincoln with the green eyes. I remember them as if it were yesterday...or perhaps I remember what it is that I want to remember, but I remember something, and the something still haunts me. I've been struggling with the thoughts and ideas of finality. The End. The Finish Line. I struggle with these thoughts within every part of my life. Work. Wanting more...seeing a light shinning at the end of the tunnel. Religion...looking at the sky and wondering how can I possible believe that there are no others, how can I disregard fact, what is the truth? and finally...or not....where do I end and where do I begin. When do I feel like me? When am I really me and not some version of me that seems to come out because of where I am? Am I a different me in NY than in Boston? I ask myself this often...am I a different me around my friends, Neo, other men? There is a song that Neo plays that reminds him of me...green eyes It kills me to hear this song...I think of Mr. Lincoln. So, I email him...my feet were itchy, and I had a couple of beers at lunch...so there you have it. Ten minutes later he responded. My heart went wild when I saw his name in my inbox. I haven't emailed him in months...at least 6 or 7. I haven't spoken with him in at least two years...it was over three years ago when we meet, kissed, and it was three years ago that I was left with unanswered impressions. I wrote: Subject Line: Go Pats! Hey there. How are you? Denny. He wrote: YO MAMA! Go Pats is right! So are you headed to H-town for the Superbowl? Lincoln lives in H-town. My response: How've been? Nope... felt compelled to email you today...you were in my dream last night...strange really. Working hard or hardly working? Lincoln writes: WHAT? You call yourself a "beaner" and you're not following your team to North Mexico? What gives? Actually working hard...taking off early today to go on a little road trip. So tell me about this dream? What is a girl to do? I've meet my match with this one...he makes me tingle. He makes me think...oh, it kills me really. My timing really sucks...in fact...I'm never on time...I'm always late...! I think I'm freaking out about the whole marriage thing..not that I think Neo is going to ask me in the near future...but he could. And after a conversation with a co-worker yesterday about this...well, I'm freaking. I love Neo...I really do. I love him. It's not that I want sex. I get this...and boy do I get it good...so it's not this... and I enjoy his company... So, WHAT THE FUCK! Argh... Itchy feet...a few beers...never a good mix. I followed up to Mr. Lincoln with : I guess I'm not much of a "Beaner", but boy do I make one hell of a chili! Beans or no beans...still love those pats. The dream. Hmm...thinking of how much I can actually write. I would have to say this may be the result of the reading material I've been immersed in...or perhaps not. At any rate the book explores themes of passive/aggressive behavior, quite explicitly...to say the least. So I woke up this morning in a bit of a half sleep, the kind where you feel as though you don't want to wake up. And that was it. That was all... FK...itchy feet. 5:17 p.m. - 2004-01-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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