denny-1's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- it's not whether you win or loose, it's whether you win It's not how you play the game...it's whether you win or loose. I hate to loose. I hate it with a passion. It all comes down to the competition, the determination that takes over your body, a invincibility, a longing to overcome, a victory. Whoever said it's how you play the game...never played the game. Why play if you don't want to win? What's the point. I'm depressed. I'm not sure if I'm more depressed that the Sox lost, or if it's the time invested into watching the games...for what?...to loose?... The yanks deserved the win...bottom line...poor management...Why didn't they take Padro out?...were his britches to big? Cowboy this...fuckers. This just adds to the pile of failure that I've been feeling lately...you know. When the world you have created for yourself is a pile of shit. When you stop one day and actually look around...it's like an epiphany...wham...hits you right in the face. What have I accomplished in my life...I'm 28 and what do I have to show for it. Not necessarily in physical possessions, but in actual personal accomplishments. I came to this lifeless realization yesterday. I had to meet a consultant for lunch in town...as I stood waiting in the lobby of State Street and watched all of the employees exiting the space aged building with their nifty little badges I realized how unimportant my life is...in the grand scheme of things...now this is not to say that anyone exiting the building had any more importance than me, but...that NONE of us were doing anything of great worth...I did wish that I could have one of those neat badges thought...some insignificant sign of importance...only those privy to this could pass...while I had to wait for my appointment to meet me...(which by the way she never fucking showed...sick)...hey great, thanks for the fucking call, you fat, free-lunching, diabetic bitch. Thanks to you, I now think my life is pathetic. If this is what happens at 28...god save me at 30. I'm crocheting more shit....how I get wrapped into these projects...it's the only ounce of creative energy that I can muster up. My creative soul is slowly dying...my brain and atrophy. I'm beginning to read more...getting lost in novels...lives that are better or worse than my own...interesting how books can take you out of the present and place you in a world that you would never have a chance to see otherwise....which brings me to my point...TV is evil...it sucks you in...you become lost in a time capsule of wastless nonsense...much like musicals...eye candy...food with no substance...what happen to the good writers?...what happened to the 'real' journalists?...were have all the good plays gone?...WERE ARE THE INTELLIGENT PEOPLE??????....have they disappeared...what happened to common sense? Common sense...? Who the fuck in their right mind would put a Buddhist temple in a hair salon?...this kills me. Lola, I don't know how you are able to return to work on a daily basis and face the skin and bones that thinks this is a moment of brilliance on her part...where is the common since in this?...yes, I would like to prey to a short fat bald man while getting a wash cut and blow-dry...?...right?... ...I seem to be on a roll... OK...what about Arnold as governor?...this is the society in which we live...it's a fucking comedy....The guy has an amusement ride centered around him...He speaks like an ape...and is married to a Kennedy?...what?...I wonder how Christmas is going to play out with the families first Republican eating dinner at the same table...talk about culture shock. ...I've become impatient with the world. It's just ignorance that I can't stand...I'm prejudice against the stupid people...why are they allowed to vote...why are they allowed to have children, the last thing we need are more morons...I was in a store the other day...it was a trinket store, a place where you go to get engraved trinkets...they have everything from bathrobes to music boxes...so, I'm in this store with a friend who is getting a baby jacket engraved with her husbands hockey number. At the desk was a women in a 80's style suit, red. She was sporting short blond hair with more Aquanet than anyone should be allowed to pollute the environment. She ignored us completely, as she spoke in a higher than thou tone to someone on the phone....I immediately got that aggravated stomach...Another women approached...she was large...very large...enough that her largeness slowed her down...her eyes were like brown bugs protruding out of her large face. Her bangs were cut to the middle of her forehead, which made her eyes look even bigger. She too had an 80's thing happening....remember that single curl that was in style, when you would curl one large curl up and leave the rest of the bangs strait...as if you left the curling iron stuck to your head....someone really needs to tell her were are living in 2003...HELLO...She approached with one of those Disney smiles and I was done...my friend explained what she needed done on the shirt...easy task...a number and a name on the back of the small baby jacket. How hard could this be...well...after almost 20 minutes of drawings, arrows, highlighters, and footnotes she was done...It got to a point where I could only laugh inside...Here is this large women, who can't draw, making diagrams of a child's jacket...all in an attempt to impress her 80's mouse faced boss...ah...why do I bother?... Perhaps I'm just a pretentious, egotistical, impatient, bitch, who finds salvation in knowing that her own existence is not quite so bad as the fat girl behind the counter who finds it justifiable to waste my time in order to promote her own self value. ...Ignorance is bliss... ...Patience is a virtue... ...It's not whether you win or loose, it's whether you win.... 10:18 a.m. - 2003-10-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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