denny-1's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 28 Tomorrow is my birthday, I will be 28. For most, this would be a good day. 28, yeah I can handle this...it's the time in a women's life were things start to evolve into what's normal- LIFE - marriage, kids, a big white house with a picket fence, two dogs and a Volvo. But...I'm not normal. I don't like anything normal, in fact I despise it, yet I find myself engulfed in a normal world with a good job, a nice apartment and well on my way to a normal life. Have you ever been to a Tupperware party? How about a pampered chef soir�e? I have. Forced by my normal friends...I get sucked into these things...only to leave depressed. You see there are certain aspects of the normal world that I want, or at least for a brief moment I think I want them... I am the infamous 'aunty' to all of the friends kids. Aunty is always the one who brings the 'best' birthday presents, she is the one who plays human guinea pig with make-up and hair styles- I left a friends house looking like the kid's idea (their 7 yrs old) of Britney Spears...Aunty brings love, gets big hugs, with no commitments...I love being Aunty, for now. It is usually then that I have the moment...the moment when you see a child wrap their arms around a parent and smile one of those innocent little smiles that says 'I love you, unconditionally...' Reality soon follows with a quick glimpse of the room, the normalcy is just to much for me... I digress. My mother had me when she was 18. How she did it, I will never know. Tomorrow I will be ten years her senior and I cringe at the thought of trying to raise anything...I can't even keep a plant alive. I am the product of divorced America. I hate commitment. The thought of trying to decide to be with someone for the rest of my natural life weighs on my soul like lead bricks. I like smorgasdord, I like variety, a little of this, a little of that, and I'm satisfied. Have you ever gone to a restaurant with a friend and when your food came you sit back and wish you had ordered your friends meal?...I do this...in every aspect of my life. It's not that I'm not satisfied with what I have...but it's the fear to committing to anything...hmm. Funny how the human psyche works. I will never be a housewife, I will never have 3 kids, a Volvo, a picket fence, two dogs and a fish. I will not wear an apron three times a day. I will not do laundry for a party of 5. I will not give up my independence, my life, my dreams for anyone...not at 28. The sound of 27 is all of the sudden appealing to me...it took 364 days for this to happen... I'm in a pre-mid-life crisis. What do I want?...ben afflect?...what a joke that was...regrettably, I've decided that I will never meet, marry and mingle with the likes of ben...sad really. As if my place in life were so bad...it's not...it's really very good, excellent even. I have a wonderful man who treats me with respect, love and is incredible in bed. We own land, he's building a vacation house for us, he's handsome, silly, driven, and not to mention well endowed...what's the matter with me? 28. 9:03 a.m. - 2003-10-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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